Beagle Humor

How to Photograph a New Beagle Puppy

1. Remove film box from beagle puppy's mouth and throw in the bin.
2. Remove puppy from the bin and brush coffee grounds from his nose.
3. Choose a suitable background for photo.
4. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
5. Find puppy and take dirty sock from his mouth.
6. Place beagle puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
7. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on hands and knees.
8. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
9. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
10. Take flash cube from beagle puppy's mouth and throw in the bin.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
12. Put magazines back on coffee table.
13. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
14. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
15. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
16. Call spouse to clean up mess.
17. Fix a drink.
18. Sit back on the sofa with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit/stand" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
19. Consider buying older, trained beagle

 

Beagle Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine.

If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

If I can take it from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

If I saw it first, it's mine.

If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

If it's broken, it's yours.